When Decisions Are Hard
Decisions are hard.
Chocolate or vanilla.
Steak or Chicken.
Jesus or the world.
PaPaw or Honduras.
Sometimes you can have both and that makes decisions a little easier. You can have a swirl ice cream, steak and chicken together, tea and lemonade together, strawberries and blueberries. Many things you can compromise to make it all work out.
But today, I can’t be with my granddad and go to Honduras. Today I had to make the decision to stay home from Honduras. If you know me at all, I’m a pretty laid back person. But I love hard and I love deep. Honduras stole my heart way before I even got there. I’ve known my heart is wired for missions since I was in the 3rd grade. I have always had the most intense desire to be on the mission field. July of last year I felt a taste of it for the first time and I was addicted. I cannot get enough of it. It’s better than any drug or alcohol I’ll never taste and it’s something that will never leave me dry, empty or incomplete.With Christ in me, missions and Honduras is one of the most important things in my life. The mission, the ministry, the missionaries and the children. The Gospel and the urgency. God has called me to Honduras and I know that to be fact. And He has called me to be there every chance I can get.
But as much as I love Honduras, I love my granddad with a burning passion. I have been by his side for over 3 weeks now as we have beat hospitalization for what they thought was pneumonia, endured the diagnosis of cancer and faced the confirmation of stage 4 lung cancer. He asks me where I am going when I leave the room, he asks me where I’ve been when I come into the room and while I’m gone, he asks where I am. I’d be okay to go and if he knew I wasn’t going because of him, he would probably tell me to go. But I can’t leave him. He has never left me, he has always loved me and he has always guided me and taken care of me. To go now, would be leaving what I’ve been called to do in the moment. Because by God, I’ve been called to sit next to my granddad and hold his hand into Heaven.
How do we make decisions that are glorifying to God when they are both God’s Call?
I really don’t know the answer to that. I’m still asking it myself. What I do know is that the Bible says God will never leave us or forsake us. When I was in middle school, whenever we would ask my science teacher a question and she would always answer “I will never lead you astray.” That’s what God does for us. When we are seeking Him, following His Will and digging into His Word and His Way He will never lead us astray.
Decisions are hard.
Down to where you’re going to eat today. What color you’re going to paint the bedroom. What wedding dress will you wear. What job will you take. All to way to if you will take cancer treatment. Will you get the surgery. Will you do the dangerous or the comfortable. Will you follow Christ or choose the world. Will you listen or ignore. Will you go or stay.
For me, my decision is to stay. Not because I’m afraid for my granddad to die. Because he will. Not because I can’t let him go. I have let him go. He is God’s and while I love him so much and I will not leave him now, I have let him go. But I am staying, because that is God’s Plan.
So whatever decision you’re making today..
And then listen to God and He will make it clear.
Sometimes He makes it clear through reading His Word, sometimes it’s through a feeling He just puts in your heart, sometimes He uses His People to tell you. Listen to the wise and Godly counsel has put in your life. God has plans for you and they are to prosper you.
[ Thank you to everyone who has supported me in my missions to Honduras. I will be going as soon as I can and will keep you updated on those plans ]
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